Wish You Were Here
by StargateSiren
Summary: After Daniel's passing Janet gets a letter in the mail that helps her to realize she can't mourn him forever. DJ. SPOILER WARNING.


Wish You Were Here  
Liza

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The alarm blared and with a slow, tired movement Janet reached over and shut it off, then sighed.

The noise hadn't jarred her from sleep. She wasn't sleeping. Hadn't for a few nights.

Four actually.

That was how long it had been since he'd left, ascended to a higher plane and vanished with only a bright light fading into the ceiling to mark his leaving.

There was no body left behind so she didn't even have a proper burial and funeral to attend to help her work through her grief and realize the truth.

He was gone. And he wasn't coming back.

Oh he probably could, she knew, since they'd been visited by Shifu, but she had a feeling that this was somehow different.

And Shifu had come with a reason. Daniel didn't really have a reason to come back.

Except to see her, she thought selfishly.

But maybe he was restricted to the higher planes for a year or something. She'd read something in a book like that once. Except that person had been made a god and Daniel . . . well, he could control the weather, or at least she thought he could. He seemed to have god-like powers.

But he wasn't a god, not in the same sense of the character in the book.

She sighed again and finally rolled herself out of bed, going about her morning routine with as much energy as she had all week since . . .

Sniffing, she swiped angrily at the tears as they welled up again.

This was stupid, she scolded herself as she undressed and stepped into the shower, running the water as hot as she could stand it. She needed to move on.

He apparently had.

The relationship they'd just barely begun to explore was over and he was gone and that was that.

It wasn't out of character for him, not really. He was always giving everything he had to help someone and this time had been no different.

_And I'm not going to degrade that typically-Daniel selfless act by moping and wishing he hadn't done it,_ she told herself firmly. _That's no way to honor the memory of a man who deserves all the honor in the universe._

With her mind firmly made up she focused on the task of preparing for the day and pushed aside the brooding depression that had shadowed her since that fateful day.

OOOO

Thoughts of Daniel occasionally intruded on her thoughts as she completed the small but necessary chores around the house, grateful for the fact that it was the weekend. She wouldn't have to go in to the SGC where she'd be smothered by the multitude of things that reminded her of him.

There were little things here, the picture of the two of them and Cassie on her last birthday, several other pictures of him with either his teammates or her or Cassie, or a combination thereof.

There were the little knickknacks and mementos he'd gotten for her to remind her of the few dates they had, but as she came upon each one she forced herself to smile and recall something good about the particular event, not to dwell on the fact that there would be no more memories made with him.

She cleaned the house, tidying up after the mess she'd made the past week when she'd been to tired or depressed or just didn't care enough to do so.

Cassie was grieving in her own way and hadn't really done anything either and between the two of them the place needed a good scrubbing and polishing and she was in need of some good mindless work to distract her so it actually worked out well.

Her plan to move on was progressing fairly nicely she thought and she even found herself humming as she took Scooby, Cassie's dog, out for a walk.

She saw the mailman pulling away in his little van as they came back and with a wave and a smile she almost felt like actually wearing she acknowledged him before moving on to the mailbox to collect the day's correspondence.

She flipped through the envelopes, mentally noting each one as she opened the door with her hip and went inside. She paused to reach down and unsnap the leash from Scooby's collar and then straightened, resuming her perusal of the mail.

She got to the back and stopped suddenly, her brow furrowing.

In her hands was a small postcard with a white sandy expanse of beach fronting a crystal blue ocean stretching out to the horizon. A few palm trees were clustered to one side and across the top in colorful script was the word 'Heaven'.

She flipped it over, curious as to who would send her a postcard, then gasped as she realized she recognized the handwriting.

It was Daniel's.

The rest of the mail fell from her nerveless fingers as she stared at the small card. She fell back against the door and then slid to the ground.

After managing to get her breathing under control and wiping her eyes clear so she could see she read the words penned in his distinctive script.

_My Dearest Janet,_

_First I have to apologize. I am so sorry that my decision this past week has caused you so much pain. It was one of the many things that gave me reason to seriously consider whether to accept or deny Oma Desala's offer. I never wanted to hurt you, but it seems to be my curse in life that I cause those I love the most to suffer the most grief._

_Yes, I include you in that group. Never doubt my love for you. You brought a light and joy into my life I never thought I could find again after I lost Sha'uri. I was wrong though, and you gave me that precious gift. I don't have the words to express my gratitude for that and the ironic thing is that you probably never knew just how much your love meant to me._

_I wish things had turned out differently, but unfortunately, as Shifu once said, a man ultimately travels his chosen path alone. I know it's little consolation, but this is where I need to be right now. I can do a lot of good here, more than I could if I'd stayed and allowed Jacob to finish healing me, especially since it would have left me unable to do many of the things I love._

_On that note, I would also ask that you not blame Jack for stopping Jacob. It was at my request so that I could ascend and move on. I don't think he understands how hard it was for me to ask that of him so please watch out for him. I'm sure by now he's blaming himself and wishing he'd refused my request. I don't want that. I don't want any of you to blame yourselves for what happened. Everything that happened was a choice **I**__ made, and even looking back I know I would have done the same. Those people didn't deserve to die and I couldn't stay._

_My only true regret is that I didn't really have a chance to tell you how much I loved you and appreciated you. I wish I could hold you once more and tell you everything was going to be all right, but the future is so uncertain that all I can say is that I know you'll do your very best to face every challenge that you'll face._

_Keep being that compassionate, loving, beautiful woman I know you are and you'll weather life's storms._

_Don't worry about me, either. I'm keeping busy learning and exploring the universe in a way I never could before and I'm also a lot less accident prone now that I don't have a body to injure. It's a nice refreshing change._

She couldn't help the wet chuckle that escaped as she read that. It was just so . . . Daniel.

She wiped at her eyes, unaware of how futile the gesture was and kept reading the last few lines.

_Give everyone a hug for me and give Cassie a kiss and tell her I love her and miss her._

_Don't let this stop you from living your life, and if you should find love again know that I only want the best for you. Be safe and always remember I love you. That will never change, no matter where I go or what I am._

_All My Love,_

_Daniel XOXO_

When she was done, she reread it and then closed her eyes and tipped her head back to rest against the door.

A small smile was on her face, contrasting the tears that silently coursed down her cheeks.

She didn't know how he did it, how he managed this, but she would be forever grateful.

"Thank you," she whispered, hoping somehow he'd hear it.

Her eyes flew open as a soft, warm breeze caressed her cheek and ruffled her hair but after a moment they drifted shut once more as the smile widened.

He was right.

Whatever happened she would go on and meet the challenges that came her way.

It was what he wanted of her and she had never been able to refuse a request from him when he put it the way he had.

But for the moment, she was going to sit here and remember how much she loved him.

* * *

This story was based on the country song 'Wish You Were Here', but I confess I don't know who sings it. I heard it and then later on I watched 'Meridian' again and just _had_ to write a story for it. I hope you all enjoyed it and would appreciate any thoughts you might have. I would like to hear you loved it, but I won't turn away... flames, I believe they're called? 

Thank you again for reading.

Liza


End file.
